Saturday, September 25, 2010

Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley

I read this book on the recommendation of my small group leader.  In Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred, Carolyn McCulley examines singleness being a Christian woman.  She does write well and with humor.  There were parts I could really identify with, but overall I was not a fan.

Here is the table of contents to give you an idea of the content:

1. "You're Still Single?": Hard questions, Godward answers
2. Esteeming the Gift: Why the Bible calls singleness a gift and for what purpose
3. God's Quiet Providence: God is still working when nothing seems to be happening
4. A Woman of Noble Character: The priceless worth of a virtuous woman
5. Do Him Good All the Days of Your Life: Why guarding your heart before marriage matters
6. Respected at the City Gate: Observing and serving the men around you
7. Food From Afar: Having a love for the home and hospitality when you're oftne gone
8. Out of Her Earnings: Wisdom in the workplace with an eye on eternity
9. The Blessing of Children: Investing in the Next Generation
10. Deceptive Charm: The heart issues of beauty, aging, and Worldliness
11. Wise Speech: The impact of women's words for building up or tearing down
12. Reaching Out to the Needy: Subduing self-centerdness through serving others
13. Laughing at the Time to Come: How to finish well in a youth-oriented world

The one good thing I think she reinforced was that you can develop Godly traits (al la the Proverbs 31 woman) and not be married with kids.  I am working on that after having a Bible study last year on Proverbs 31.  In case your curious here are the traits I am focusing on:  become strong physically to be prepared for life's challenges (workout), always be helping others (giving/volunteering), facing the future with confidence (trusting God), and being hardworking (utilizing my time better and not being lazy).

The rest of it just kind of makes me annoyed.  I don't think Singleness is a gift.  Yes, you have way more time.  Time to devote to God and time to help others, but frankly at this point I am done with this "gift" and ready donate it to Goodwill.   Also, I hate being constantly told the I need to find all my satisfaction in God.  It makes me feel like I'm not just because I desire to be married and have a family. 

It was just another book that made me feel bad about being single and like something was wrong with me.  I already feel guilty enough admitting that marriage is something I desire.  I already get enough advice that something is wrong with me- "you're looking too hard", "you're not out there", "you're too picky", "you're not happy with yourself enough", "blah blah blah.  You know what, those are all lies.  I'm not looking too hard- During the week I am so busy working, working out, keeping up with my house and my pets- I don't even have time to be "looking too hard".  I am out there- I take every social invitation I get, I try new things, I am as out there as you can be without being a bar fly or a cougar at the club.  I am not too picky!  I lower my standards with each passing year and give everyone a chance.  I can only remember one guy that I flat out turned down for a first date because I knew him very well already and he had an alcohol problem.  AND I am happy with myself!  I think I am awesome.  Sure I have insecure days like everyone else, but I am happy with myself and my life and I DO find my satisfaction in God...I am not looking for some man to fill a void or make me happy, it's just that life is so much better shared and I am ready to share and I would love to have a family. 

Ok sorry for the rant, but yeah this book just felt like the same old stuff you heard people telling singles all the time.  And the fact is, if I never get married and have a family, I will be disappointed and I am tired of people making me guilty for feeling that way.

Ok rant over.  I give this book 2 out of 5 stars.  I think you would be better off doing a study on Proverbs 31 from a single woman's point of view.

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