Sunday, May 16, 2010
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
In this book Gary Chapman lays out the five distinct love languages we use to express love:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
He says that we all have a "love tank" and when that "love tank" is empty we feel unloved and it is hard for us to love our spouses because we don't feel loved by them. And everyone needs to feel like they are loved!
There are quizzes in the back of the book to help you determine your primary love language. This is what you need from someone to feel loved. Mine was Words of Affirmation. It wasn't the one I would have guessed, but it makes complete sense now that I know it.
I do need to have words of affirmation from my partner. I need them to tell me I'm smart and pretty and that they love me. I think my last two relationships failed because I didn't get that.
My last boyfriend never told me he loved me and at a lot of points in the relationship I felt like he just did not want to hear my opinion on anything which made me feel like he thought I was stupid or something. I can't remember him ever telling me I was pretty either. I lost a lot of my self-esteem and confidence in that relationship.
The guy I dated before that was different. He did write some of the sweetest things ever to me. He did tell me I was pretty. But he never came out and said he loved me until after HE broke up with me. I swear I will never understand guys.
I wasn't totally blameless in either of those relationships. I did not show them or tell them how much I loved them either. Love kind of scares me, because I have had so many heartbreaks. I am physically tired of getting my heart broken so it makes me so scared to start anything new.
After reading this book though, I feel like I know what I need now and even better I know how to show love more effectively. I really think everyone should read this book!
And even though it was written for married couples, the same principles apply to every loving relationship you have from your parents, to your friends, to your children. I think knowing how to give love is a very important trait to have and after reading this book I think I will be much more effective at making the people in my life feel loved.
I give this one 5 out of 5 stars!